Notes on the Always-Bowling Tribe of Eastern Borneo

I spent a few years studying the Always-Bowling Tribe of Eastern Borneo under a grant from the Pew-Pew and Fingergun endowment. As an anthropologist, it was a choice between that job or painting houses in Greenland. The tribe was like none I’d ever encountered. And, other scientists are similarly at a loss as to how […]

Dieting Tips that will Make You Think Less of Yourself

Never eat a meal that you cannot comfortably carry. ☼ Sugars are “empty calories” and because they are empty, other calories can hide inside of them like a Trojan horse. Instead, enjoy the candy-like sweetness of chard or endive. ☼ If you crave something sweet, eat a carrot because… Happy Non Sequitur Day! ☼ If […]

Almanac: January 29th

On this day in 1907, Charles Curtis became the first registered Native American to become a U. S. Senator, completely nullifying centuries of genocide and broken treaties. Later, he was selected to be vice-president under Herbert Hoover, under whom the stock market crashed and the Great Depression took hold. To inspire people to reelect the […]

The Ingratitude of Artists

Besides being pelted with D-Cell batteries, nothing makes me madder than hearing an artist complain about how much they HATE their most popular work. It’s ungrateful… biting the hand that feeds you and then nibbling at its wrists and elbows. It’s insulting: The artist is saying that the general public is too stupid to like […]

10-40-400-40-10: Pain in the Membrane

Pain is our first teacher…effective, with surprisingly little homework… Pain is the first indicator, after we are born, that everything is NOT going to be okay. Look at a baby’s face when it experiences pain… same expression I wore when I first played punch-in-the-balls after someone punched my balls. Eventually, youths split into two groups: […]