Fun Avocado Facts that Aren’t that Much Fun or Factual

An avocado has around 600 mg of potassium… nearly twice that of a banana but two hundred times less potassium than what is in the human body. So, if you really need potassium, turn to cannibalism. Avocado is a healthy substitute for butter; however, it can take up to six days to melt over your […]

She Told Me (an Exercise)

She told me that I ruined her for other men… well, she actually told me that I ruined men in general for her. She told me that she didn’t hate me one iota; but, then I found out that she hated iotas. She told me that my voice was like honey in her ears in […]

Secrets Mimes will Never Tell

Shields and Yarnell were mimes who performed in the seventies. They were given their own variety sketch show which was the most random act since 1945, when Salvador Dali ceded his power of attorney to a rice cooker. I saw an all-mime version of Key largo, once. It was pretty stupid but, when the hurricane […]

How to Tell if Your Covid 19 Test is a Fake One

It’s a multiple-choice test. The supervising physician is beat-boxing into his stethoscope. The process involves a “Magic Eight-Ball”… The testing area is behind a dumpster. Your test results end with the phrase, “… or, maybe not…” When you arrive the receptionist asks if you’re “a cop”. If they make you undress to take it. The […]

Stuff I Used to Worry About

I used to worry about dying young; now, I just worry about dying. I used to worry about going bald; now, I just worry about my hat blowing off. I used to worry about getting fat; now, I just worry that I’m not worried about getting fat. I used to worry about being publicly humiliated; […]