She told me that I ruined her for other men… well, she actually told me that I ruined men in general for her.
She told me that she didn’t hate me one iota; but, then I found out that she hated iotas.
She told me that my voice was like honey in her ears in that it made her feel like ants were eating their way into her brain.
She told me that I was her everything but that wasn’t enough.
She told me I was too indecisive; I don’t know quite how I feel about that.
She told me that I was like a whiz in the kitchen, by which she meant urine on the floor.
She told me I was the light of her life and that she preferred dark rooms.
She told me I had beautiful eyes but it turned out she was only talking about the white part.
She told me that I was a lion but a bath would get rid of that smell.
She told me that I was the bravest man she ever saw grovel in front of a group of pre-teens…