A Lust for Lists…a List of Lust

Lust is the only deadly sin that will make me lie down in the back of a Corolla… Wanderlust makes a person leave their significant other. Plain old lust is what makes them come back. Indian guru Osho once said, “In love the other person is important; in lust, you are important”… then, you have […]

My Enemies are Jealous of this List

Envy is the state of wanting something that someone else has. The only other alternative is to want something that you, yourself, have; and, that’s just called “forgetting”… The official word of the government is that terrorists attack because they are jealous of our freedom. So, they blow up a building or a train which […]

How to Avoid a Doggy’s Bite

For starters, don’t use cologne that smells like bratwurst or kibble, no matter how much it drives the women wild. If you look a lot like a cat, try to make facial expressions that cats are not capable of like concern or empathy. We all know that dogs bite when they smell fear; however, they […]

About the Kite

Kites are great for getting outside on a beautiful, slightly windy, spring day and showing all those around you just how much of a dork you are. There is no reason why box kites should be able to fly; therefore, they are a tool of the devil. Others tools of the devil include the scythe […]

Why We Fight

We fight to install freedom in countries that have none and dictatorships in countries that are too free. We fought international communism; then, we fought international terrorism; now, as China buys up the free world, we are fighting international capitalism. We fight to foil the forces of evil and to mildly unsettle the forces of […]