For starters, don’t use cologne that smells like bratwurst or kibble, no matter how much it drives the women wild.
If you look a lot like a cat, try to make facial expressions that cats are not capable of like concern or empathy.
We all know that dogs bite when they smell fear; however, they also bite when they smell other emotions that are so subtle that you cannot even control or notice them. Does this scare you? Well that’s too bad because we all know that dogs bite when they smell fear.
Avoid startling a dog. If you are reading it a mystery novel, read it the last three pages first.
If a dog seems angry or irritable, resist the urge to give it a dental cleaning.
Don’t mess with your dog’s food while she’s eating it. There’ll be plenty of time for you to interact with that same food after it has been digested and expelled.
Make sure that your dog gets its rabies shot. If you are an anti-vaxer, then you can accomplish the same thing by simply keeping your dog away from every other living thing in the world.
If your dog snaps at you, discipline it with a firm, “No!” or a thorough dental cleaning.
Don’t dress like a postman. Actually, this applies all the time and to every situation…
If you run from a dog, it might see you as prey and bite you; so, run directly at every dog you see, but try to avoid startling it or cleaning its teeth.
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
You forget don’t dress like a bone. We all know what happens then 😣
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I dressed as a femur one year for the dog shelter’s charity ball and I barely got out alive…
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😊 that made me laugh
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I say stay away from them, dogs need space too, even the ones who dont love you
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I, as I said, run directly at every dog I see. Makes a visit to the park an adventure in barking and law enforcement…
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the dogs must think you are barking mad
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That pun was arful…
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I’m noticing a decidedly dental cleaning trend. Is there a story here perhaps…?
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One of my teeth has been bothering me…
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“If you look a lot like a cat, try to make facial expressions that cats are not capable of like concern or empathy.” and “There’ll be plenty of time for you to interact with that same food after it has been digested and expelled.” made me laugh 🙂 And I never even realized I am drawn to a guy with a distinct smell of kibble 🙂 Funny to read and I loved the little angry doggie in the middle of the points
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I made the dog mad by dissolving his IRA account… like HE was going to live to sixty-five…
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I just chuckled out loud. You are too funny 🙂
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I like the idea of running at every dog you see. I wonder if that would work with children too . . .
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It definitely keeps children on their toes…
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The rabies shot tickled me – my friend is a vet and says tons of people want to opt out of rabies shots because they’re afraid of dog autism (which isn’t really a thing).
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I’m not disputing what you say; but, the term “dog autism” did make me laugh out loud, reflexively. Thanks for reading it…
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