My Enemies are Jealous of this List

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Envy is the state of wanting something that someone else has. The only other alternative is to want something that you, yourself, have; and, that’s just called “forgetting”…

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The official word of the government is that terrorists attack because they are jealous of our freedom. So, they blow up a building or a train which gives a lot of people a day off from work… giving them even MORE freedom. Silly terrorists! If you want to take away our freedom, give us all jobs so good that we’ll be terrified of losing them…

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Psychologists theorize that there are two kinds of envy: Malicious and benign. Benign envy is resolved by emulating the envied party so that you may become like the person you envy. Sometimes, I get so jealous of people who can do that, I wish they would die.

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A form of malicious envy is Schadenfreude, the enjoyment of another’s bad fortune. It’s shameful to get so much happiness out of another person’s bad luck; however, as entertainment goes, it’s cheaper than Netflix.

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The first act of envy in the Christian bible was Cain slaying his brother. Why did Cain kill his brother? Because he was Abel… And, to answer your question: No, I’m not ashamed of that pun…

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It’s kind of a compliment to find out that someone envies you; but, when it leads to them burning down your house, it is often difficult to take such a compliment graciously.

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If you envy someone for not being jealous, YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.

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Freud postulated that women were jealous of men as a gender and called it “penis envy”. Psychiatrists today have discredited this theory and instead postulate that women are jealous of men because of their ability to read a map.

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There are people who have the wisdom to envy no one. I truly wish I were one of them…

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They say that, after an apocalypse, the living will envy the dead, which is not so bad considering it’s a static target and you can be pretty sure you’ll be dead yourself eventually; and then, think of all the people envying YOU…

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14 thoughts on “My Enemies are Jealous of this List

  1. by the strict definitions, you wrote this because you are jealous of your enemies because you think they might make better lists, and we, i.e your enemies envy your deviousness that we lack to create these lists.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “Envy is the state of wanting something that someone else has. The only other alternative is to want something that you, yourself, have; and, that’s just called “forgetting”…” That was great. And I laughed out loud at the pun. And no, I can’t read a map for anything

    Liked by 1 person

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