Hell-Houses for Sale

Lovely three bedroom, one bath three-story rambler convenient to liquor store and three massage parlors. Backs to unsettling graveyard. Seller motivated and terrified. Snug Tudor Efficiency Condo. Might have a pest problem but that depends on your attitude and gag reflex. Condo fee includes glue traps, concierge and doorman available in various stages […]

Why Frost was Wrong: Do NOT Take the Road Less Traveled

Less-traveled roads are usually teeming with TEENAGERS… racing their hot rods and playing their rock and roll music on their god-forsaken guitars. THEY ARE OUT OF CONTROL AND THEIR MUSIC IS JUST NOISE!!! No chain restaurants in out of the way places… just family-owned places like “Mom’s” and “Red’s Eats”, where the food seems okay […]

Why Living to a Million Would be Bleak Indeed

When lit, the candles on your birthday cake can be seen from the asteroid belt. If you want a partner more mature than you are, you’ll have to settle on a mountain range. 999,950 years of rheumatism… Your driving ends up being so bad that, on days you take the car out, flags are preemptively […]

Comparing Our 45th President to a Rat

When Vladimir Putin sees a rat, he says, “Oh! A rat!”. When he sees Donald Trump he says, “Oh! An idiot!” Rats aren’t as interested in bankrupting farmers because RATS LOVE GRAIN SILOS. Most rats are pretty sure that there were no airports back in the year 1812… Rats don’t care about your religion or […]

Thoughts on Jazz

[mistermuse, don’t judge me too harshly] Part of listening to jazz is listening to the notes that are NOT being played, usually done after the band has gone home… Neurologists have found that listening to Dixieland Jazz lights up the same region of your brain that lights up when you are getting an injection directly […]