Other Stuff that I Want

A seeing-eye hot blonde. A set of fine china with images of half-eaten food painted on them. A mockingbird and an ultrasensitive cat Mood toilet paper A nice set of chef’s knives and a nice chef to go with them A lace and silk handkerchief because I’ve always wanted to start an illegal street race […]

Planning for your Retirement

Nothing beats an IRA or, as I call it, “Charlie’s Impulse-Spending Fund”… Δ Retirement is much cheaper if you live with one of your kids. Choose the one who paused the least when you asked if you could live with him… Δ In warmer climates, nothing beats living in a refrigerator box. Δ There are […]

Thoughts on Hamlet

Hamlet is a play about a young man who finds out his father was murdered so he kills nearly everyone he’s ever known. It’s called a “tragedy” because snuff-films had yet to be invented. The Lion King is the first and probably the last Disney cartoon to be based on Hamlet. There were a few […]

What I Miss About Working On-Site

I miss the frequent fire alarm evacuations. It was as if the mom of everybody said, “It’s too nice outside for you to be on that computer”… I miss copying the inside of my mouth to check for a swollen uvula. I miss talking to others over a wall. I think it really helped me […]

Are You an Attention Whore?

Do you drive your sports car with your top down even though it isn’t a convertible? Did you bring a pot-bellied pig to the last funeral you went to? Did you wear full body paint to your last comic book convention or family picnic? Have you faked three heart attacks in an afternoon or five […]