I miss the frequent fire alarm evacuations. It was as if the mom of everybody said, “It’s too nice outside for you to be on that computer”…
I miss copying the inside of my mouth to check for a swollen uvula.
I miss talking to others over a wall. I think it really helped me to understand what it was like to live in Berlin during the Cold War…
I miss the surprisingly good bakery in my building because, with my desk job, I can afford a few extra calories.
I miss sitting in an office chair with more levers and buttons than I have functions for. On button seemingly does nothing but I suspect it controls a vibrating bed in a motel in South Bend.
I miss my subway commute because it allowed me two and a half hours to really relate to gophers.
I miss wearing pants but not so much that I’m wearing pants.
I miss the elevators, my first chance of the day to make others uncomfortable, “Look at this weather, won’t you? The kind of weather that makes you want to hang yourself from your own necktie in the bathroom so that they find you pretty quickly—oh, there’s my floor!”
I miss the tuna fish sandwich that I left in my desk four months ago…
I miss interacting with a diverse mixture of age groups, genders, nationalities and cultures, all of whom, in a social situation, would avoid me like I had the plague.
I miss standing and urinating next to a coworker who, five minutes ago, I was having a meeting with.
Working from home cheapens holidays, vacation days and weekends.
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
Working from home? That’s the norm for women but its termed leisure time 🙁
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That’s why so many sitcoms in the fifties had episodes where the wife and husband changed places for a week…
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And the man wept 😥
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More brilliance. “I miss interacting with a diverse mixture of age groups…” In the short instances when I was actually in an office, I would find myself looking around, asking: “What am I doing here with all these idiots?” And they were idiots. People whom I would never hang around with in high school. I even got hired once at a major metropolitan newspaper, and I “expected” everyone to be more intelligent. The problem was, I was on the “stupid” side of the floor. The advertising/sales side. The smart people were on the other side of the floor. “The editorial” side. And no, they don’t let you transfer over. So you are there, but you’re not there. The editorial people don’t see you or talk to you. So I came really close to living my life as Clark Kent.
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I think that, in real life, I’m invisible to a large number of people… but not so invisible that I’m going to start hitting people in the head for fun…
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After a certain age, men become invisible. No one wants your DNA, you can’t offer an employer anything a 30 couldn’t do cheaper, and you’re behind the times so who’ll listen to you? Oh, if you’re spending money somewhere…then they’ll see you. Which explains why women chat so much and won’t just pay at the register and GTF out of the way for the people behind them in the long line…old woman want to be seen too, and they’ll demand more than men will. Men will pay and run. Women will tie up the line chatting about their damn grandkids for hours. Which also explains the rise in on-line shopping and the success of Amazon.
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Finally! Someone who “gets it”…
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Go put a tuna fish sandwich under the couch cushion right now, I’ll wait.
4 months from now it will be ready.
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My ex-wife used to leave sandwiches in the car. Summer could be brutal…
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I’m gagging at all the left half eaten sandwiches I am finding in Bob’s new workspace. Thankfully, I wasn’t feeding him lunch four months ago. So, if his office is filled with rotten food, someone else was feeding him.
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We had to literally evacuate the building because someone smelled something they thought was gas and turned out to be old food. And, there are thousands of people in our building…
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That tuna sandwich might still be there 😋
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I’ll be hungry when I come back next February…
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Or November 4, when the pandemic is officially over. 😉
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At least one of the pandemics…
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I like how everyone zoned in on the tuna sandwich. It was my first choice too! That and the pants.
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The sandwich was kind of a true story…
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Haha, sounds like something I would do!
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Well, this one cleared the building because they were worried about a gas attack. It took a long time for them to find it…
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The mom of everybody, elevators, and weekends are definitely cheapened…those are my top three!
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Thanks, Doree! Yeah, I’m known around the office as “that guy who talks in the elevator”…
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Why wouldn’t you?!
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Mostly, folks like to stare straight ahead…
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My wife once had a swollen uvula but I don’t think it was inside her mouth. She didn’t want to talk about it, so I didn’t pursue it. Women can be touchy that way.
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Not everything is open to discussion… in fact, hardly anything is open to discussion.
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That tuna sandwich might end up taking over the office and challenge the boss to a duel if this goes on much longer.
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My boss is a great programmer, but I don’t like his odds vs a sentient tuna sandwich…
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“Working from home cheapens holidays, vacation days and weekends.”
#SRSLY
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