Still More Medical Advice From a Terse Llama

Dear Terse Llama, I was drunk at a pancake restaurant, last night; and, this morning, I woke up with the mother of all headaches. Also, I noticed a sticky viscous substance that seemed to be coming from my ears and was matted in my hair. I cannot go to the emergency room because of what […]

Pubic Confession

A coworker I am fond of told me that she was having surgery, the next day. I didn’t ask any questions about it… not because I am an unfeeling sociopath (the usual reason), but because the probable answer was “vagina”. Yeah, it’s a jarring word. Men don’t like hearing it and women don’t like saying […]

Body Parts I’d Like Plastic Surgeonated

Nose: How best to describe my nose? It looks as if someone added a nose to my face and the next worker on the assembly line wasn’t looking and put another one there. It’s not an especially long nose, nor is it very broad; however, it is denser than high carbon steel. My nose is […]

Still More Medical Advice From a Terse Llama

Dear Terse Llama I had an appendix removed last year. When the hospital realized that I was there for knee surgery, they hastily put an appendix back in; however, it was a MURDERER’S appendix. Consequently, I feel the desire to kill deep in my intestinal area. It isn’t enough to make me actually kill; however, […]

Lurid Facts about Blood

You have enough blood in your body to feed over seventy-five thousand mosquitoes; knowing this, I imagine you’ll still selfishly keep it to yourself for the most part… Mature red blood cells do not have nuclei. This is why they are constantly being laughed at by amoebae… Dogs have at least twelve blood types. DNA […]