Why I Hate the Violin

A violin is essentially a tiny guitar that you scrape. ☻ Holding a violin under your chin feels like when you are trying to take five oranges to the refrigerator and you don’t want to make two trips. ☻ Or, maybe more like a musical goiter. ☻ We only have violins due to the efforts […]

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On Grapefruit Operas

Prop swords are expensive; but, you can gut a grapefruit with just a spoon. ♥ A grapefruit opera is the only type of opera with a full day’s supply of vitamin C. ♥ A dozen grapefruits singing in harmony would be enchanting… I’d imagine… Also a little disturbing… ♥ In a grapefruit opera, you can […]

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Musical Instruments I Hate

[Sorry… I didn’t have anything particularly good to post and this one has been collecting dust…] Harpsichord: Listening to a harpsichord is like listening to regular music while crockery is being broken over your head. “I don’t think the organ was powerful enough for this concerto. Let’s play it, instead, on this giant wind-chime” Tuba: […]

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The Ugly Truth about Vocalists

Until the nineties, singers were very very ugly… I’m not sure if someone discovered a vaccine for ugly or some designer-virus was created to wipe out ugly singers. I do know that, after the eighties, all the male singers had chiseled faces and bodies and 3.8 days of beard growth and the females were just […]

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Thoughts on Jazz

[mistermuse, don’t judge me too harshly] Part of listening to jazz is listening to the notes that are NOT being played, usually done after the band has gone home… Neurologists have found that listening to Dixieland Jazz lights up the same region of your brain that lights up when you are getting an injection directly […]

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