Thoughts on Jazz

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When Armstrong and Gillespie touched, gravity waves were detected on the other side of the galaxy

[mistermuse, don’t judge me too harshly]

Part of listening to jazz is listening to the notes that are NOT being played, usually done after the band has gone home…

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Neurologists have found that listening to Dixieland Jazz lights up the same region of your brain that lights up when you are getting an injection directly into your spine.

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Jazz music has its roots in America, like baseball, hot dogs and suing your doctor.

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Jazz is important because heroin addicts need to work, too.

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We elected a president who cannot admit when he’s wrong so why not listen to music where the vocalist, upon forgetting the lyrics, launches into a series of nonsensical words and sounds named after an animal’s bowel movement?

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Jazz combos often have solos from each member of the band and the drum solo is a great time to use the bathroom and check your phone messages.

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They’ve used jazz xylophone as an aid in diagnosing depressives:  If a subject is listening to more than a few minutes of jazz xylophone a day, there’s a better than fifty percent chance that he’s about to step in front of a train.

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Jazz is not restricted to African Americans… but good jazz is…

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Smooth jazz is just jazz with all the jazz taken out of it.

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Jazz singer Sarah Vaughn had a four octave vocal range. She could hit the appropriate high notes; and, when necessary, go much lower and summon humpback whales to do her bidding…

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The Maple Leaf Rag was one of the first jazz hits. It became less popular as housewives traded in their maple-leaf rags for synthetic sponges.

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Jazz is the worst genre of music there is… with the exception of every other genre of music.

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13 thoughts on “Thoughts on Jazz

  1. CLASSIC JAZZ, which primarily pre-dates WWII, is my kind of jazz and isn’t confined to adhering to the melody, with little or no improvisation. Here is one of my all-time favorite recordings, Coleman Hawkins’ 1939 rendition of BODY AND SOUL, in which he takes off from the melody after the first 30 seconds or so, never to return. It doesn’t get any better than this:

    P.S. As for jazz xylophone/vibraphone, anyone who’s about to step in front of a train after a few minutes’ listening, has probably never heard (of) Lionel Hampton or Red Norvo.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Since I don’t have anything in particular in mind for my next post, I may take you up on that. I was getting tired of dumping on Trump anyway, even though he’s an inexhaustible toxic waste disposal site.

        Liked by 1 person

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