Mathematical Definitions that Simply Don’t Add Up

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[This one is mostly for math people because I don’t write for you… I write for ME.  That’s right… ME!  And, occasionally Deb… and sometimes Chelsea… but mostly for ME!]

Irrational Number:  Simply put, it’s an integer that is so overwrought that you have to slap it to calm it down.

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Imaginary Number:  Designated by the letter ‘i’ as in “i have a 9 inch penis” and “i make 250,000 dollars a year”.

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Fractions:  A value containing a partial whole number; also, the first indicator to children that adulthood is going to suck big time.

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Real Number:  Designated by the letter ‘u’ as in “u only have a 3 inch penis” and “u are unemployed and have 0 dollars in your checking account”.

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Trigonometry:  Has two uses:  To separate a vector into its x and y components; and, to push more college sophomores towards switching to a degree in a non-technical field.

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Prime Number:  Better marbled and more flavorful than a “choice” number.  A prime number has only two factors and is great with a béarnaise sauce.

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Sine:  Used to prove the existence of God as in, “If there is a god, give me a sine”.

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Calculus:  Useful for calculating slopes of curves, areas and keeping Isaac Newton out of trouble.  Also useful for pushing college juniors towards switching to a degree in a non-technical field.

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Acute Angle:  Admit it.  You felt something when you saw that angle.  Buy it a drink and go over and introduce yourself…

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Probability:  Useful for determining the odds that you’d ever end up a mathematics major.

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Everything about our family is NORMAL!!!

Statistics:  Like most dysfunctional families, statistics likes to pretend that most events fall within the bound of “normal”.

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Numerical Analysis:  A lot like Numbers Therapy but, for it to be successful, the number has to admit it is sexually attracted to its mother and fears its father will castrate it.

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Partial Differential Equations:  Useful for quantum calculations, harmonics and for pushing college senior towards dropping out and working at their dads’ stores.

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