Proof that God does NOT Smoke Pot

Robin Williams once offered the platypus as proof that God smokes dope. I’m here to say that God doesn’t and I offer the following proof. No female of any species gives birth to pregnant young. The sky is all one color. Cheech and Chong are still not our benevolent overlords. Elevators […]

Pickup Lines that have Always Failed Me

I’d like to do a tarot reading for you but I’ll need a drop of your blood or saliva. . Wanna come back to my place and listen to Devo while I teach you how to buy real estate with no money down? . I’ve never told anyone this, but I poisoned a horse once. […]

Let Chaos Reign!!!

Chaos is from the Greek entity, “Kaos”, something which was not a god, but existed before time. Along with Kaos were Lux (light), Nox (night or darkness) and Sly (Sylvester Stallone). It refers to a time when, as the Bible would say, “…the earth was without form…”. Note that I only used five consequetive words […]

More Random but Very Valid Thoughts

If I ever write a song about a woman, I don’t think I’ll mention her eyes because, if she had an accident and her eyes got burned out or dissolved by acid, I’d just have to write a new song. It’s hard to say which is worse: A stomach flu or a tidal wave. On […]

Weddings in the 21st Century

Anthony and Cleopatra: He arrives in a toga; she on a reed-boat with bare-chested Nubians as oarsmen. The entire wedding party sits in quiet awe as they reflect on what attention-whores the couple is. Redneck Wedding: The band starts playing a country version of the wedding march while the bride runs down the aisle and […]