Let Chaos Reign!!!

I’ll eat out my own insides before I let myself see Willem Dafoe naked again…

Chaos is from the Greek entity, “Kaos”, something which was not a god, but existed before time. Along with Kaos were Lux (light), Nox (night or darkness) and Sly (Sylvester Stallone). It refers to a time when, as the Bible would say, “…the earth was without form…”. Note that I only used five consequetive words from the Bible; if I use seven or more, I have to pay royalties to Oral Roberts jr. I’ve been told that he also has a copyright on the word “oral”…

The Greek concept of Kaos gibes well with the JudeoIslamoChristian faithos. It gives one the visual image of a cloud of matter crumbs with people floating around asking, “Where’s God? I need something to stand on, read by and have sex with…”. And then, God, looking like a cross between Mighty Mouse and ZZ Top comes speeding to the rescue.

And, before you try to use this imagery of God, be warned that I’ve already created a similar character for my cartoon, “Tom and Jerry Garcia”. Jerry, a bearded, pot-smoking mouse is constantly being harassed by DEA agent Tom. Hilarious! Copyright pending…

I’ll take issue if you say that my cartoon character is “beside the point”; in fact, it is nowhere NEAR the point…

An important point is that the religious concept of pre-history is one of utter chaos; whereas, science paints a picture of the ultimate order: Singularity. The division between the two camps becomes even more pronounced when they are asked to describe the beginning of time AND choose their favorite member of the rock band, Kiss. Scientists tend to go for drummer, Peter Kriss; whereas, the devoutly religious usually pick Ace Freeley, probably due to the success of his solo album. I know for a fact that many Baptist churches inject a few bars from “Back in the New York Groove” into the music played at their Sunday services…

But, this is HARDLY about metal band in kubuki makeup. This is about chaos; and, chaos is something to be FEARED! You’ve heard someone say, “If THAT were to happen, the result would be chaos!”? Well, no one wants chaos. Why?

* In a chaotic world, there will be no place to set your drink.

* Everyone will park in your spot.

* You’ll have to revert to Natural Law, which seems unfairly biased towards the fittest.

* There is a chance that Tina Turner might seize control of your municipality and rename your civic center, “Thunderdome”.

* People will resort to idol worship, like Billy Idol, Eric Idle and Idol Lupino…sorry.

Two groups of people who are totally pissed off by chaos are physicists and meteorologists. This is due to the formulation of the chaos theory. It was discovered by a meteorologist who, while looking exhaustively for a method of predicting long-term weather patterns, came to the following conclusion: THERE IS NO WAY TO PREDICT LONG-TERM WEATHER PATTERNS. This is the scientific equivalent of throwing your crossword puzzle to the floor and saying, “Shit!” over and over as you stamp on it. “If I can’t predict the weather, then, NO ONE shall!”

I believe that aboriginal peoples like the Africans and Native Americans knew this intuitively. Their solution was to MAKE THEIR WEATHER THE WAY THEY WANTED IT. We may scoff, but when your long term forecast is as accurate as Jimmy the Greek, you realize that a rain dance is at least as effective as a Cray computer.

But, chaos has STAYING POWER. The more that we try to fight it, the more prevalent it is. You may clean your living room, but in no time it’ll be messy again-especially if you’ve just taped debris to the ceiling. A drinking glass that has shattered on your floor, can never be a drinking glass again; however, neither can ANY non-drinking glass object in your kitchen. We see a single rose and we think of a million different things, most of them having something to do with roses…

So, do we fight chaos or just give in. Admittedly, it is a losing battle. The temptation is just to lie back and let a bearded pot-smoking mouse set everything right…

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