A Lust for Lists…a List of Lust

Lust is the only deadly sin that will make me lie down in the back of a Corolla… Wanderlust makes a person leave their significant other. Plain old lust is what makes them come back. Indian guru Osho once said, “In love the other person is important; in lust, you are important”… then, you have […]

Things Better Done Drunk

Night Swimming: If the movie Jaws taught us anything it is that drinking and swimming don’t mix… with sharks, anyway. Without sharks, drunk swimming is GREAT. You can just drift off to sleep above or below the waves (your choice). Was it suicide or stupidity? No one knows!!! Golf: Golf goes with alcohol like softball […]

Are You Dressed Too Provocatively?

Your parents tell you that you can wear the outfit in public, but, only if they can talk to your pimp first. When you go for a walk, you notice men accidentally wandering into traffic. Your cleavage is listed as one of your area’s landmarks. No one tells you that you look like a million […]

Signs You Might be Having Too Much Casual Sex

You have repetitive stress disorder in your hips. You spend forty-five minutes awkwardly talking to someone in the dark who turns out to be your pants and a towel and you wonder who you had sex with. You won’t put your address on a job application because you don’t want any emotional blow-back if things […]

Things You Don’t Want to See During Sex

A Medic-alert bracelet with the letters H-I-V on it. Surgical tools and an empty syringe. Your ex-wife. Her Rottweiler An incredulous toddler peering at you from the doorway while his little mind is shredded into what I’d imagine would be the kind of schism a violent psychopath might develop from. A blu-ray of the movie […]