Really Bad Movies I Like

[I was discussing this with Rivergirl. This isn’t a humor column so I’m posting it, today. Remember, these movies should only be taken in small amounts] Meet the Spartans: The only thing better than a crappy parody movie is a crappy parody movie with song and dance numbers; and, this one has that and a […]

Stuff I Used to Worry About

I used to worry about dying young; now, I just worry about dying. I used to worry about going bald; now, I just worry about my hat blowing off. I used to worry about getting fat; now, I just worry that I’m not worried about getting fat. I used to worry about being publicly humiliated; […]

Stuff I Remember from My Childhood

I remember Space Food Sticks: Vitamin-fortified earwax in the shape of a Slim Jim. Great for playing astronaut; but, pretending to be a weightless guy with a slide rule pushing buttons got old quick… and so did Space Food Sticks. And, for dress shoes, we walked around on platform shoes which were technically stilts. You […]

R. N. Domth Oughts

If I was being besieged in a castle in the middle ages, I’d try my hardest to convince the people surrounding me that THEY were the ones under siege and that they were going to be trapped out there FOREVER if they didn’t leave. She called me a “grade A rat” which was surprising because […]

What You Can Do Stuck at Home Waiting for the Apocalypse

Force your children to learn Navajo. Prioritize all the household projects you have. That way, when you go back to work, you’ll know which of them to feel guiltiest about not doing. Watch five minutes of each of your cable channels in order… except Lifetime. That would be cruel. Meditate until you become enlightened… check […]