A Rant

Nearly everyone can sustain empathy for up to ninety seconds… some of us up to two minutes before we drop grandma’s feeble head onto her hospital pillow, point to your sister and go find a television set somewhere. A smaller group of us can sustain empathy for days or weeks at a time. Mr. Rogers […]

Ich Will: Christmas Edition

What I Want for Christmas You’ve heard of that box with the button on it that, when you press it, someone you don’t know dies and you get a million dollars? Well, I want that; then, I’d go out and meet EVERYONE IN THE WORLD EXCEPT TUCKER CARLSON… and then press the button. I want […]

I Fire Off Some Gun Safety Tips

Treat every gun as if it is a loaded one… unless you are pretty sure it is not, or you want to scare your cousin. They say, the secret of gun safety is a gun’s safety. You might think that would be easy to remember, but, when you actually need that information and remember this, […]

Why I Bit the Salesman at the Computer Store

The girl at the coffee shop moved too quickly for me to bite her. I get crazy mad because I don’t know what “the cloud” is. I was under the delusion that I was a zombie. Turned out I was just not getting enough sun. I thought biting was an acceptable form of currency. I […]

Avoiding the Stress of Christmas

Put your tree up early to a avoid last minute rush; in fact, I just keep mine up from the previous year. If you cook up a nice goose and a Christmas pudding to simulate a Victorian Christmas, be prepared for people to complain about the goose and later to complain about the pudding. They […]