How to Write a Best-Selling Novel

They say that everyone has a novel in them. Some manage to get it out and some keep it in until Epicac is available. We revere the best-selling authors despite the fact that OUR stuff is WAY better than anything they churn out. So, why do their books sell a million copies and people like […]

Naked Sexual Positions of the Orient

Yes, this is an essay on false advertising… how did you know? Basically, all advertising is false advertising because it is, by its very definition, manipulation. If you’d wanted to buy the product already, there would be no need for advertising. Manufacturers found one of the great truths of nature: Instead of providing a better […]

Why is There a Rhinoceros-Shaped Hole in my Wall?

[Okay… this one is “experimental”, which is code for “pretty crappy”. I came up with the title first and then tried to come up with ten items. Don’t read these ’til you’ve had your coffee…] Why is there a rhinoceros-shaped hole in my wall? Because… I bought the wrong pet door. I was holding a […]

A Thankless Task

See the above photograph? Deb sent me that photograph; and, she wants me to “do something” with it. I could tell her to jump off a bridge, but I don’t think Australia has any bridges, yet, because no one has given them the recipe for one; moreover, insulting Deb would alienate her and she might […]

What Else Can I Do With My Vacuum Cleaner?

If you have a canister vacuum, aim the nozzle part at the canister and see if it will suck itself up and disappear. Use your vacuum cleaner to pull your eye gently from your socket so you can clean back there. If you’ve got a stopped up toilet and a shop vac, you can put […]