If you have a canister vacuum, aim the nozzle part at the canister and see if it will suck itself up and disappear.
Use your vacuum cleaner to pull your eye gently from your socket so you can clean back there.
If you’ve got a stopped up toilet and a shop vac, you can put off calling that plumber for another week.
Weigh the vacuum bag and record that weight. Then, dump the contents onto your kitchen floor. Vacuum again and weigh the bag. If it weighs less, try to account for the missing matter.
Put the hose in your mouth, turn it on and pit your lungs against technology. IMPORTANT: Do NOT do this with the carpet brush attached. Also, if you lose, take any organs you may have lost carefully out of the vacuum bag and rinse them with warm salt water; then, it’s off to the emergency room with ya!
Use your vacuum cleaner to make donuts. How? I don’t know but I’d imagine if you didn’t rely so heavily on MY input you might come up with an idea on your own.
Replace the vacuum bag with a sheep’s stomach; then, vacuum up some oats and onions and finally the contents of a slaughterhouse dumpster. Viola! Instant haggis. Just boil, eat and find a stomach pump.
Remove the bag entirely and you’ve got a makeshift snow-blower, my friend.
Does your child have a stopped up nose and won’t shut up about it? I have the solution.
Try to impersonate how a vacuum cleaner sounds because, after you learn its ways, you can become it; then, you can defeat it.
Reverse the suction of your vacuum cleaner to perform impromptu glaucoma tests on giant squids.
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
Ok … one word poopscooper 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
One word: Ewww!
LikeLike
Thanks 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Instant haggis? No one needs that!
LikeLiked by 1 person
How else will you get your Recommended Daily Allowance of sheep’s lungs?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m Clan MacGregor, I figure my ancestors ate enough of it to fill my quota.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re off the hook…
LikeLike
“then, it’s off to the emergency room with ya!” Funny read 🙂 I may take you up on the kid with a stuffed nose idea – the little guy is trying to get out of school again today claiming his nose is too stuffy…..a new solution just emerged 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I tried it with my oldest and that’s where I got the item about pulling the eye from the socket. We can laugh about it, now… well, I can…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Don’t leave it outside, as nature abhors a vacuum.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah… I thought about using that old saying but I ended up with a remark about mice living in my vaccuum cleaner… and it never improved from there.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Vacuums often suck. Hopefully you’d still be able to clean that pesky behind-socket area with yours.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My retinas look like they’re brand new, Chelsea!
LikeLiked by 1 person
How can you tell?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I roll my eyes a lot…
LikeLike