Thoughts on Jazz

[mistermuse, don’t judge me too harshly] Part of listening to jazz is listening to the notes that are NOT being played, usually done after the band has gone home… Neurologists have found that listening to Dixieland Jazz lights up the same region of your brain that lights up when you are getting an injection directly […]

The Titanic Gives Me a Sinking Feeling

The Titanic was built for less than ten million dollars. It took two hundred million dollars to make the movie. You do the math. Yes, there is math… I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d FREAK OUT like you always do… The Titanic was nearly as long as three football fields. Unlike the Titanic, […]

There’s Always a Complaint

Dear Sir or Madame (or, if this is me reading this as I proof, screw you, Charlie!): I’ve long considered your company to be a paragon of quality and customer service, that, ten thousand years from now will be considered by anthropologists to be the the gold-standard for whatever it is you do. I no […]

It’s Your Civic Duty to Get Out of Jury Duty

Some states and municipalities excuse students from jury duty. Pretend to be a college student. Carry a backpack and use hip slang terms like “WTF” and “internet”. Plead financial hardship. Show up for jury duty wearing a barrel with suspenders. When asked why you shouldn’t have to serve, turn your pockets inside-out and look morose… […]