People Who Would Make Awful Ghosts

Richard Simmons: He is the opposite of terrifying, although if you found him in your laundry room with a net and some duct tape, you might feel some unease. A ghost needs to be somber and scary. They seldom sweat… even to the oldies… Keith Richards: He’d be terrible because you need to be able […]

Are You Dressed Too Provocatively?

Your parents tell you that you can wear the outfit in public, but, only if they can talk to your pimp first. When you go for a walk, you notice men accidentally wandering into traffic. Your cleavage is listed as one of your area’s landmarks. No one tells you that you look like a million […]

How to Avoid Shark Attacks

If you are in the water, steer clear of fishermen. If you are not in the water, steer clear of fishermen, anyway. If fish or turtles behave erratically, get out of the water. What is erratic behavior for a turtle? I’d imagine it would be running really really fast or trying to buy liquor without […]

Why the Price of Insulin Must be Kept Artificially High

[The price of insulin in the United States is many times what it is in other countries. Some see this as just bald profiteering; but, there are actually GOOD reasons why the price of insulin must be inflated:] If it wasn’t expensive, everybody’d want to get diabetes. Because it involves a lot of money, it […]

Scrambled Eggs: A Rant

Nothing is important; but, it is of utmost importance that we THINK things are important. I know you’re thinking that I just let the cat out of the bag… how could you go through the charade of thinking things were important when you’ve already been told that they aren’t? You would be living a lie […]