People Who Would Make Awful Ghosts

Posted on by masercot
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“I see dead people… along with a lot of alive people”

Richard Simmons: He is the opposite of terrifying, although if you found him in your laundry room with a net and some duct tape, you might feel some unease. A ghost needs to be somber and scary. They seldom sweat… even to the oldies…

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Keith Richards: He’d be terrible because you need to be able to understand what a ghost is saying. If you can’t, it’s like explaining something in detail to a Mexican gardener and coming back to find that he’s built you a tree-house. This is a shame because, when it comes to looking decayed and horrifying, Keith Richards has a forty year head start on those who waited until after they died…

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Elvis Presley: Like Ann Boleyn, some ghosts are shown exactly as they were in death… she, holding her head under her arm and not looking happy about it at all. Elvis died on a toilet. No one wants to see that.

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Keanu Reeves: Look at the man’s face: He’s seen enough ghosts. When he dies, let him rest…

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Melania Trump: Part of being a ghost is the lonely cold tortures of the damned. Horrible pain and misery. Being the wife of Donald Trump, that seems a little like double jeopardy.

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Andy Warhol: Warhol as a ghost would be confusing because he wouldn’t look any different from when he was alive.

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Steven Seagal: We don’t need Seagal as a ghost: One lifetime of Steven Segal is enough for any planet.

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Fred Rogers: Definitely not terrifying; however, some ghosts are not terrifying. Like Hamlet’s ghost, sometimes they are just there for informational purposes; but, if you still don’t know how to share or that you are special just because you are you, then a ghost isn’t going to convince you.

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Tom Cruise: If Cruise was a ghost, the first thing you’d blurt out wouldn’t be, “Oh no! It’s Ghost Tom Cruise!”. You would instead say, “I thought he’d be taller”. You may think I’m wrong but you’d have to explain why the only historical epic he’s ever made, The Last Samurai, was made in a country where the average man is 5′ 7” tall…

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Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson: Intuitively, I think that, if Dwayne Johnson were ever a ghost, he’d look like Casper, The Friendly Ghost. Frankly, I don’t think we need zebra’s fleeing so fast they leave their stripes behind.

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18 thoughts on “People Who Would Make Awful Ghosts”

  3. Trying to imagine Richard Simmons as a ghost makes me smile. Would he just be hoarsely whispering in his upbeat voice, “C’mon guys, move or I’m gonna get you!” 🙂

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      1. Oh my gosh, yes! Fun fact – the Amityville Horror book is the only book I threw out when I was done. It just felt evil. I thought if I kept it on my bookshelf the evil would still be able to get to me. And if I gave it to someone else than the evil could still get out that way. So not only did I throw it out, I went to the dumpster at the apartment complex I lived at and threw it in there. Guess I could have cursed the whole complex then….Wow, I really over thought the power of that book. But anyway – first and only book I tossed and Richard Simmons would definitely be way better 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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Published by masercot