Random Thoughts: The Home Game

A man cannot serve two masters; however, with a little instruction, he can serve a tennis ball. If you need a sure-fire way to alienate a room full of people, might I recommend heckling a eulogy? A wonderful name for a doctor who treats impotency would be “Grant Wood”. A little known fact about Formula […]

Things You Can Do After You Stop Trying to Impress People

You can order a drink that tastes good, like a girl-drink, instead of straight-shots of single malt stuff that tastes like something kept in an IV bag in a trauma ward. You can keep your car until it dies a natural death from old age. You can quit holding it in and let your belly […]

If Crime Doesn’t Pay, a LOT of People are Wasting their Time

“Crime does not pay” That is not the dumbest thing ever said, but, if you stand next to it, you can see the dumbest thing from there. It was one of the trademark lines of the pulp-hero, The Shadow. He was a radio-age superhero who had the power to cloud men’s minds… which is what […]

Best Names/Worst Names

Cars: For a car name to be good, it has to be an animal’s name. For a car name to be great, it needs to be a vicious animal. To be the best name, it HAS to be two vicious animals. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Stutz’s “Bearcat”. It’ll definitely do until someone produces […]

Advice I Gave to my Son

After marriage, your wife WILL get a lot fatter… unless she’s a vegan, in which case she will get a LOT crazier. Learn a sport, like basketball or football, and play it well into middle-age; because, doctors who replace knees need to eat too. Changing your own oil is easy and saves you money. The […]