Tornado Tips!

If you must flee a tornado in a vehicle, do it at right angles from the tornado’s path. If you don’t have a protractor (or compass and straight-edge) to calculate the angle, just park your car on the shoulder of the road and wait for death… If your pet runs off during a tornado and […]

Valentines Advice (Part One): For Men

An intelligent, well-made and romantic movie is often just the thing no matter how excruciatingly awful the ordeal of sitting through it is… Why buy your beloved candy when you can make it? Nothing says, “I love you” better than a paper plate covered with oozing, crystallized chocolate abortions. And, don’t say that flowers are […]

Random Thoughts, Part the Third

Turns out, The Vagina Monologues is NOT a ventriloquist act. ֎֎֎ They called it a “Wake” but by the end, I could barely keep my eyes open. ֎֎֎ You always sound smarter if you use the words “Crimean” or “Symbiotic”. ֎֎֎ If you named your son “Jeff”, you weren’t really trying very hard. ֎֎֎ There […]

Remarkably Folksy Advice My Great Grandpappy Gave Me

The Lord loves a working man; but, for some reason, he gives the best cars to the idle rich. . Any problem seems more solvable when you’ve got matches and a can of gasoline. . Women like a proud and confident man; that way, after they break his spirit, they can look back on a […]