If you must flee a tornado in a vehicle, do it at right angles from the tornado’s path. If you don’t have a protractor (or compass and straight-edge) to calculate the angle, just park your car on the shoulder of the road and wait for death…
If your pet runs off during a tornado and you cannot find it, don’t panic: Parts of it are probably high up in a nearby tree or power line.
Keep a radio on during a violent storm. For those under thirty, a radio is essentially Youtube without the display.
After the storm, when the media comes by, try to refrain from thanking God. I doubt you’d thank a person who destroyed your home, killed your neighbors and let you live only after a pants-wettingly horrific terror.
If you live in a trailer, take shelter in the nearest sturdy building which will invariably be a Dairy Queen.
After the tornado, check the wreckage around your home for body parts. If you find any of your own, you should get in your car and quickly drive at right angles from the nearest emergency room.
If you look up and the clouds are a little greenish, there is a possibility of a tornado coming from those clouds. If the clouds are dark green, you are probably just face-down on your lawn…
Never take refuge under an overpass or bridge due to the danger of being eaten by a troll.
A tornado might be completely invisible. So, really, what chance do we have?
Avoiding exterior walls gives one a much better chance of surviving a tornado. What gives one an even better chance is avoiding the tornado.
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
Here’s a tip completely off the topic – don’t try to reverse your car out of a garage with the door open. If you do – don’t forget to take your wallet to the hospital
LikeLiked by 2 people
That sounds like something you might have personal experience with…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Could be
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very coy, Deb…
LikeLike
Of course it’d be easier to head out at right angles if we still had those durn triangles . . .
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve never met anyone that has actually read TWO of my essays…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I live in Texas and I can vouch for the validity and accuracy of this blog post. I appreciate you taking a break from writing humor in order to write a sober, factual public service piece. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. My experience in the matter comes from living in Lubbock for six years and Dallas for three… We always thought it was unusual when we DIDN’T have a tornado…
LikeLiked by 1 person
And even when it’s not tornado’ing, there seems to be a steady, sustained wind of about 35 MPH that no one seems to notice because “that’s just the way it is here.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
I visited my parents there not too long ago. The trip to the airport was through a dust storm with tumbleweeds rolling across the highway. I swear that, going into the wind, the plane went straight up…
LikeLiked by 1 person
great tips — especially as hopefully will never need here in Los Angeles – yikes! if we do… 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t think a tornado would DARE go into some of the neighborhoods in Los Angeles…
LikeLiked by 1 person