Random Thoughts, Part the Third

Turns out, The Vagina Monologues is NOT a ventriloquist act.

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They called it a “Wake” but by the end, I could barely keep my eyes open.

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You always sound smarter if you use the words “Crimean” or “Symbiotic”.

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If you named your son “Jeff”, you weren’t really trying very hard.

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There are people who can reconstruct a human face from that person’s skull. Could these same people, if given a popsicle stick, create a facsimile of what the popsicle might’ve looked like?

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If you talk to a person who has a twin and say, “Your DNA is unique”, you’d be wrong; however, if you talk to both of the twins and say, “Your DNA is unique”, you’d be right. My question is, how far into the conversation do you get before the twins start using that creepy made-up language that only they understand…?

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A lot of Eastern religions consider the essence of a person to exist near the navel. I prefer a religion where the soul isn’t so close to my crotch.

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Can you hate a woman and everything she stands for and still have sex with her? I need to know by three-thirty tomorrow…

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I practice a weird kind of vegetarianism where I won’t eat any animal that smells better than I do.

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I’ve seen the movie Desperado a dozen times… three of those times, the television was turned off…

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