Tips for Cold and Flu Season

Sterilize your home and office with rubbing alcohol. Then sterilize the bottle you keep the rubbing alcohol in. Think of the entire world as one giant germ and yourself as the world’s largest petri dish…

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Stay home. If you are like tens of millions of Americans, you earn zero hours of sick time for every month you work. Treat yourself. Stay out of the mean old flu-ridden world. If you get bored, count your Faberge eggs or teach your polo pony an amusing trick.

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Avoid close contact: For some people, this might be rather difficult. For others of us, it is a snap. Living a life of wretched solitude is, apparently, the healthy choice.

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Wash your hands… and when you are done washing your hands, wash them again because you touched the bathroom doorknob to get out when you should’ve opened the door with your hair, somehow.

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Cover your mouth and nose. If you’ve always wanted to look like a cocaine distributor on one of those National Geographic drug documentaries, this is your big chance. And, if you are worried about looking like a dork, just look at the Asian commuters wearing surgical masks during flu season. They look like little lost surgeons…

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Flu Shot: Proven to be effective against any strain of flu that no one has this season. Against the other strains, it is as effective as using echolocation to find your bathroom in the dark.

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Good Diet: Maybe after a good healthy meal and the inevitable coma that will come with a severe flu, when your personality rewires, you might come out of it as someone that LIKES healthy foods… oh, and with a Portuguese accent for some reason.

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Take a lot of zinc: Studies show that, as far as the flu is concerned, taking zinc supplements will probably not lead to needle drugs. It may not help your flu in any way but if you take enough of it, it can produce visuals that are just swell…

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A Good Attitude: Well, this has never worked for you so far; so, if you think about it, you are due some success…