Socially Acceptable Ways to Kill Yourself

Full Contact Karate: Well… full-contact anything, for that matter. I tried this and found out that, even though the audience can’t hear that kick reverberate through my head, it’s an experience that I’ll never forget… although, if I’d been kicked a little harder I might have… ֍ Drinking Contests: Alcohol is a drug that you […]

Still More Leftovers

I Published Cooking with Your Children but a lot of people were way off in what the book was about. ☺ Because lips are sensitive, even a mild blow can cause bruising or even death… if you meet up with some nut that gets enraged at the sight of bruised lips. ☺ My old girlfriend […]

Why I Don’t Drink Alcohol, Anymore

I want my public nudity to be MY idea… not the idea of the worm in a bottle of mescal… I dread accidentally ordering a “girl drink”. That warm feeling where you feel content and the world loves you lasts about ten minutes; then, you hit a bouncer with a bar stool because he purposely […]

The Terrors of Malt Liquor

Malt liquor is simply beer with a high alcohol content that tastes like a decayed body in a swamp… It is customary, when drinking “forties” with friends, to pour a little onto the ground for friends who have died. If none of your friends have died, take heart… drinking malt liquor should kill one or […]