I want my public nudity to be MY idea… not the idea of the worm in a bottle of mescal…
I dread accidentally ordering a “girl drink”.
That warm feeling where you feel content and the world loves you lasts about ten minutes; then, you hit a bouncer with a bar stool because he purposely looks like your basketball coach.
I want to remember my previous night’s sexual partners if only to help the police get my wallet back.
If I want something to make me forget pieces of my life and disrupt my balance, aging does that very nicely, thank you…
I don’t understand beer, anymore.
I have nothing against porcelain, I just don’t want to use it as a pillow.
When I’m drunk, I feel as if I’m the greatest lover in the world. Then, I sober up and realize I’m only the fifth greatest.
If I’m hammered and the song, Footloose, comes on the jukebox, EVERYONE is in for an embarrassing four minutes…
I drank in moderation; but, often I’d drink in moderation several times in the same hour…
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
Footloose is responsible for many of the world’s atrocities Charles. 😠
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Including Kevin Bacon’s career…
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Nah, Kevin Bacons got a great career … as a house husband 🙂
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And, as a metaphor!
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They really have made beer more complicated. Each beer now has its list of ingredients and I have to wonder if I want a beer with notes of pine or guava. By the time I figure out which I would prefer the meal is over and I just drank water. Probably for the best!
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I’m still not sure what an IPA is and whether I should drink it or invest part of my paycheck into it…
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Yes everyone knows that if a guy orders a “girl drink” then they start turning into a girl…
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Embrace your feminine side and order that fruity drink with the paper umbrella. I promise we won’t think less of you….
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To be honest… I LOVED the Scorpions, Mai Tais and Zombies they serve in Chinese restaurants…
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Chinese restaurants are known for heavy pours and low prices. You can’t beat that combination!
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Plus, you become way more entertaining when you try to use the chopsticks…
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