A Bender of a Thousand Miles Begins with 12 Steps

What is an AA Meeting Like? | San Antonio Recovery Center

[The Twelve Steps are a construct of Alcoholics Anonymous, for those of you who are not Americans]

  1. Admit you are powerless over alcohol and that nothing will keep you from drinking… even Alcoholics Anonymous.
  2. Believe in a power greater than yourself that can restore you to sanity… and that power is Dr. Phil.
  3. Turn your will over to God as you understand him… unless God, as you understand him, wants you to be an alcoholic.
  4. Make a fearless inventory of yourself. After you are done, note any missing organs… for tax purposes.
  5. Admit the exact nature of your wrongs except for those that were “kind of a blur”; in those cases, admit the approximate nature of your wrongs and where you woke up afterwards.
  6. Ask God to remove those character defects. If God won’t, ask him to give more defects to the people around you so that, by comparison, you look better.
  7. Humbly ask that your shortcomings be removed including addiction, genital size and the crappy neighborhood you are living in.
  8. Make a list of the people you harmed sorted by the likelihood that they’ll loan you money.
  9. Make amends to those people, their pets and the potted plants that you soiled in the throes of your drunken deviance.
  10. Take a second personal inventory just in case some of the things missing from the first inventory were found later under a heavy box in the attic.
  11. Improve your relationship with God; for example, ask him if he’s lost weight…
  12. Pester others about the twelve step program. Be as persistent and obnoxious as you like because, if you cross any lines, just add them to the list of people you harmed and make amends to their pets and potted plants.

18 thoughts on “A Bender of a Thousand Miles Begins with 12 Steps

      1. Uh, good question. Shows interest. Motivates me. Reinforces my own delusion beliefs. Provides confirmation bias that writing is time well spent. Well, coincidentally, I’ve been gearing up for another episode…I just gotta take a deep breath and do it. I must ignore or climb over the the wall of “Why?’ in order to begin. Thanks for asking.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Have you ever seen the movie 12 ANGRY MEN? Each man followed one of AA’s 12 steps, thinking it would save each of them from doing all 12, and would work just as well. Needless to say, they were disappointed.

    Liked by 1 person

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