The White House Answers Questions about the Coronavirus

First, how did the virus originate? Well, I hear… I hear people saying that the virus is from China and from birds or bats or something. If China had signed that trade agreement earlier, they wouldn’t have this problem. Why is that? Well, as you know, Nancy Pelosi… or “Crazy Nancy” I call her… sometimes […]

What if Trump Wins: Scenario #8

Using a fleet of Cray computers plus a Commodore Playstation that my father bought me as a child, I have calculated the sequence of events should Donald Trump be reelected. And, like building a mailbox out of beeswax and horse dung, the result is not pretty… November 03, 2020: Donald Trump wins second term […]

Painful Realizations about Masochism

If your teenage daughter is cutting herself, remember that it can be a sign of unaddressed depression; or, maybe an unconscious desire to become a surgeon. If her room has Marilyn Manson and Cradle of Filth posters, it is probably depression; if her room is decorated with unicorns and smiley faces, steer her towards the […]

All I See are Candidates: A Poem

I can’t vote for Joe Biden because he doesn’t seem like someone I could confide in. . I can’t vote for Kamala Harris because her old opinions on criminal justice might embarrass. . I won’t vote for Beta O’Rourke because he looks as if he eats his pizza with a fork. . I won’t vote […]