Notes on the Roadrunner

You don’t see a bird like the roadrunner every day… unless you live next door to one and it washes its car a lot… which would be frustrating because you’d like just ONE day to be edging your lawn and not have to make small talk with it while it waxes its Trans Am… Roadrunners […]

Read More Notes on the Roadrunner

What is Charlie Up to?

I buy fifty cd-roms a week so I can eventually backup the entire internet. I’m creating a snack food laced with barbiturates called Laze Potato Chips. I’m hollowing out birch seeds so that, when they are grown, I’ll have a ready-made canoe. I’m falsifying my driver’s license to match my falsified birth certificate. I’m shaving […]

Read More What is Charlie Up to?

Flightless Facts about Emus

Emus exist in the wild only in Australia, which is a tough break for them… Female emus, or “femus”, are a little taller than their male counterparts (or “counterpemus”). Femus are also a little wider across the butt and pointing that out gets you a hard peck on the head. Emus can live up to […]

Read More Flightless Facts about Emus

Eye Don’t Want Sweat Bees

I read an article about a patient in Taiwan who was having irritation and pain in one eye. The patient, only identified by the family name “He” was a woman… So, yes, He was a she. But, more important than that cheap, but oddly satisfying, joke was what they found in her tear duct: Tiny […]

Read More Eye Don’t Want Sweat Bees