What it Means to be a REAL Man

It means we will react violently if we feel insulted enough. Oddly enough, how insulted we feel is inversely proportional to how big and scary the guy insulting us is… It means that we will NEVER ask for directions, use a map or follow street signs. We navigate like our fathers did: By driving around […]

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Notes on the Roadrunner

You don’t see a bird like the roadrunner every day… unless you live next door to one and it washes its car a lot… which would be frustrating because you’d like just ONE day to be edging your lawn and not have to make small talk with it while it waxes its Trans Am… Roadrunners […]

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What is Charlie Up to?

I buy fifty cd-roms a week so I can eventually backup the entire internet. I’m creating a snack food laced with barbiturates called Laze Potato Chips. I’m hollowing out birch seeds so that, when they are grown, I’ll have a ready-made canoe. I’m falsifying my driver’s license to match my falsified birth certificate. I’m shaving […]

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Flightless Facts about Emus

Emus exist in the wild only in Australia, which is a tough break for them… Female emus, or “femus”, are a little taller than their male counterparts (or “counterpemus”). Femus are also a little wider across the butt and pointing that out gets you a hard peck on the head. Emus can live up to […]

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