What is Charlie Up to?

I buy fifty cd-roms a week so I can eventually backup the entire internet. I’m creating a snack food laced with barbiturates called Laze Potato Chips. I’m hollowing out birch seeds so that, when they are grown, I’ll have a ready-made canoe. I’m falsifying my driver’s license to match my falsified birth certificate. I’m shaving […]

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Flightless Facts about Emus

Emus exist in the wild only in Australia, which is a tough break for them… Female emus, or “femus”, are a little taller than their male counterparts (or “counterpemus”). Femus are also a little wider across the butt and pointing that out gets you a hard peck on the head. Emus can live up to […]

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Eye Don’t Want Sweat Bees

I read an article about a patient in Taiwan who was having irritation and pain in one eye. The patient, only identified by the family name “He” was a woman… So, yes, He was a she. But, more important than that cheap, but oddly satisfying, joke was what they found in her tear duct: Tiny […]

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