eVIL AND pOTATOES

[Not thrilled with this one but, it’s Friday so OUT IT GOES!] I’m considering becoming evil… … not PURE evil. You could still touch me without exploding and it would be safe to use a bathroom after I do; but, I can no longer sit around and be good. Someone once told me that good […]

Why We Need Crabman® More than Ever

In dark times such as these, we need a hero… a savior… a man with CRAB CLAWS FOR HANDS. ֍ It would be nice to see the word “carapace” in newspapers again… actually, it would just be nice to see newspapers again. ֍ Maryland needs a super hero to call their own besides John Waters… […]

Ask a Genetically-Modified, Bio-Engineered Super-Intelligent Dog, Part ?

Dear Genetically-Modified, Bio-Engineered Super-Intelligent Dog, Can you play dead? And, are you a good dog? Who’s a good dog? WHO’S a good DOG? Enthusiastic in Jasto Dear Jasto, Good and evil are subjective constructs; however, I did fake my death in Cancun seven years ago for the insurance money. Dear Genetically-Modified, Bio-Engineered Super-Intelligent Dog, I […]

Service Animals, Their Dangers and Functions

Back when I was a kid, there were only seeing-eye dogs. That is to say, if you were a dog and wanted a career path that didn’t involve you bouncing around like an idiot, then you would become a seeing-eye dog. They don’t call them that much anymore. Now, they are “guide dogs” because the […]

Why We Fight

We fight to install freedom in countries that have none and dictatorships in countries that are too free. We fought international communism; then, we fought international terrorism; now, as China buys up the free world, we are fighting international capitalism. We fight to foil the forces of evil and to mildly unsettle the forces of […]