Opera Explained: Pagliacci

Actors arrive at a village during the Feast of the Assumption, at least that’s my guess. Tonio, the clown, explains to the villagers the plot of the upcoming play because when they shrug and whisper to one another during, it really throws the actors off. The play will be about Pagliaccio, played by Canio, taking […]

Morale Dilemmas

[This is the mid-term for Ethics of Empirical Rationalist Existentialists of the Reformation. Please answer every question as completely as possible, unless told to do exactly the opposite; in that case, decide for yourself] Question One Someone cuts you off in traffic and you have a remote control that will make his head explode. Do […]

I Solve Another Problem and You’re Welcome

Lately, we’ve been hearing a lot about white people calling the police on black people for the most trivial of reasons. Most recently, two managers at a Chicago CVS drugstore called the police on a woman for using a coupon they felt was suspect. Now, I hate people who used coupons as much as everyone […]

Injuries and Ailments that I LOVE

Slamming Thumb in Car Door: Often one’s first real injury. You don’t feel it at first because there’s kind of a shock involved. But, after the tears and pain, you’ve got a black fingernail to show your friends and, when it falls off, to throw at girls. Cold: My voice is weak and reedy. It’s […]

Things I Love about The Godfather

It explains why Frank Sinatra was allowed to make feature movies way better than my theory about the Lizard People… It keeps Diane Keaton to a minimum, which is something Woody Allen could never accomplish. For those of us who wondered, it showed that Marlon Brando could be killed with ordinary household bug spray. […]