I Solve Another Problem and You’re Welcome

Image result for angry indian
A white woman is sleeping on the dorm couch.  Send in the boys in blue!

Lately, we’ve been hearing a lot about white people calling the police on black people for the most trivial of reasons. Most recently, two managers at a Chicago CVS drugstore called the police on a woman for using a coupon they felt was suspect. Now, I hate people who used coupons as much as everyone else, but calling the police on them seems a bit of an overreaction. And, some of these incidents seem to center around communal pools. Oddly enough, community pools were a sore spot when it came to integration in the fifties and sixties. But, it is understandable: At the time, scientists were not sure that being African-American was communicable. There was a theory, at the time, that shaking hands with a gay person and not washing afterwards, could turn you gay in four weeks. Could that apply to race differences? If so, why weren’t white people flattered that blacks were not averse to catching Caucasian from swimming with them?

And, you can hardly blame them for calling the police because, up until recently, it worked GREAT. It was like having a big can of “Minority-a-way”. It probably made them feel like a king or something. Someone annoys you by being in your presence, so you tell your guards to “take them away”. Now, after all these years, the guards, and the rest of the civilized world, look at the king as if he is crazy. It seems unnecessarily cruel to people who have no ability to interact with folks different than they are. But, I have a solution to all of this:

Image result for badges we don't need no
Badges?  Not a bad idea…

To avoid confusion, the police get to STAY an instrument of racist whim; however, the race that they serve should be rotated monthly. For example, if you are Chinese, it is your month, and some white people are standing too close to your car, call the police; then, the police will good-naturedly question them, determine their motives, suddenly scream “stop attacking me” and shoot them. To make it less confusing, since there is an Asian-American month, and an African-American month, we could pretty much use those official commemorations as a template. Sure, an African-American girl is selling lemonade in her front yard… but, in five days, you can sic the police on her with impunity or ask your Hawaiian neighbor to do it now. If you call the police and it isn’t your month, the police will plant drugs on you and haul you off. It’s fair and it gives law enforcement a lot of exercise and variety, without any change in job description.

If we DON’T do this, the implications are staggering… especially if you inscribe the implications on a rock and hit someone in the head with them. We experience a million petty annoyances every day. Calling the police is a recourse… a vent… a way to maintain our sanity. If we don’t have that well…

We might be forced to get along with each other…

4 thoughts on “I Solve Another Problem and You’re Welcome

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