An Additional Rant

Recently, I was watching a program about illegal drug use in Portland, Oregon. You know, one of those shows where the narrator’s every utterance is the voice of doom. He said, “This is Portland” with the same grim morbidity one might use in describing a new strain of HIV that is transmitted by reading someone’s […]

If Crime Doesn’t Pay, a LOT of People are Wasting their Time

“Crime does not pay” That is not the dumbest thing ever said, but, if you stand next to it, you can see the dumbest thing from there. It was one of the trademark lines of the pulp-hero, The Shadow. He was a radio-age superhero who had the power to cloud men’s minds… which is what […]

For Sale: The Root of All Evil

How can we make United States currency more popular? It USED to be very popular… the preferred money of black marketers and prostitutes of all nations great and small. But, those were our glory days. Over the last four decades, we’ve tried everything to SELL the love of the dollar: We took the plainest most […]

Advice I Gave to my Son

After marriage, your wife WILL get a lot fatter… unless she’s a vegan, in which case she will get a LOT crazier. Learn a sport, like basketball or football, and play it well into middle-age; because, doctors who replace knees need to eat too. Changing your own oil is easy and saves you money. The […]

Random Thoughts: Now with 25% Less Fat

What simile should I use to describe a metaphor? Circus clown is a fine occupation for people who both want to terrify children and die in a tent fire. When we got married, my wife wanted to use her own name. So, I let her use it as a synonym for “tree”… None of my […]