Thoughts on Dog Tricks

Come When Called: This is probably the first thing you’ll try to teach a dog. REMEMBER: Smart dogs do NOT come when they are called. They are exploring the world. Why should the dog come to you when you call it? It already KNOWS what you smell like. Heel: Training a dog not to move […]

Ask a Genetically-Modified, Bio-Engineered Super-Intelligent Dog, Part ?

Dear Genetically-Modified, Bio-Engineered Super-Intelligent Dog, Can you play dead? And, are you a good dog? Who’s a good dog? WHO’S a good DOG? Enthusiastic in Jasto Dear Jasto, Good and evil are subjective constructs; however, I did fake my death in Cancun seven years ago for the insurance money. Dear Genetically-Modified, Bio-Engineered Super-Intelligent Dog, I […]

Police Blotter of East Westriverburg

11218 North South Street: Suspect was apprehended trying to activate a small light bulb with acid and two dissimilar metals. He was later charged with battery. Police broke up what appeared to be a silent riot at the Mahon Public Library but it later turned out to be a rumble between two factions of […]

What is Charlie Up to?

I buy fifty cd-roms a week so I can eventually backup the entire internet. I’m creating a snack food laced with barbiturates called Laze Potato Chips. I’m hollowing out birch seeds so that, when they are grown, I’ll have a ready-made canoe. I’m falsifying my driver’s license to match my falsified birth certificate. I’m shaving […]

Fun Things to Do at the Doctor’s Office

Take a lot of blood pressure medicine before your appointment. That way, when the blood technician tries to get a sample, it will take forty five minutes. Try to talk the doctor into prescribing heroin. Let everyone go ahead of you until the very end of the day, then, when they call you to come […]