More Random but Very Valid Thoughts

If I ever write a song about a woman, I don’t think I’ll mention her eyes because, if she had an accident and her eyes got burned out or dissolved by acid, I’d just have to write a new song. It’s hard to say which is worse: A stomach flu or a tidal wave. On […]

What’s Wrong with Blondes? This:

From what I’ve read, if you pay a blonde to paint your porch, she will paint your sports car, instead… . Blondes remind me of Edgar Winter Group which reminds me of the albino I kept in my basement as a child. He taught me philosophy, French and logic as the two of us worked […]

How They Could’ve Avoided a Government Shutdown

Make wages of congressional representatives inversely proportional to how stupid they are acting. Any representative who offers an amendment that kills more than ten Americans will be bikini-waxed. Lock the doors and begin flooding the chamber. Show congressmen films of functioning congresses so they can better understand what one looks like… […]

Products for Dogs Made by People Who Hate Dogs

Vegetarian dog food: There may not be a special place in Hell for people who put their dogs on a vegetarian diet; but, as soon as the building permits are approved, work will begin on it. Muzzle: If you cannot control the pointy end of your dog, you probably should get a different breed. A […]