How They Could’ve Avoided a Government Shutdown

Make wages of congressional representatives inversely proportional to how stupid they are acting.

Any representative who offers an amendment that kills more than ten Americans will be bikini-waxed.

Lock the doors and begin flooding the chamber.

Show congressmen films of functioning congresses so they can better understand what one looks like…

Create a “Congressional Committee on Do Your Goddamned Job Why Not”.

Members of congress who cannot come up with a budget will be force to serve pancakes to government workers whose paycheck have been stopped.

Discontinue all bribes to the House and Senate until they create a viable budget.

In the last four hours before a possible government shutdown, members of the Senate will have to work naked in front of a firing squad.

After a budget is successfully created and ratified, members of congress will be rewarded by having their families released unharmed…