As a socially inert middle-aged man, I occasionally have to look at the nude ladies on the internet. Not porn, mind you… I just need to keep up with women’s bodies just in case I ever decide to start dating again. You never know when something is going to be moved, shaved or tattooed, so I’d like to stay on top of things. Was the previous sentence meant to have a double meaning? Well, in all fairness, any ending to that sentence would’ve sounded dirty…
Anyway, after checking to make sure the vagina still runs parallel to the toes, I looked at the top of the page and there I saw it:
ASIAN WOMEN LIKE BIG BLACK COCK
It was an ad for a site; but, unlike other sites that offer nothing, this site offered me a nugget of information that I’d never encountered before… without my ever clicking on it. And, I try to keep up with things, as I said before. I talk to Chinese Americans; I read the Chinese classics; and, I even read some contemporary Chinese writers; but, NOWHERE did I see anything about Asian women and their love for large African (or African-American) penises. You’d think Amy Tan would’ve at least alluded to it in The Joy Luck Club. Why is everyone sitting on this important piece of information???
So, I clicked on the link. First, let me tell you that there’s a surprising lack of text with the photographs. If you are looking for proof of the site’s contention, you won’t find it explicitly laid out; in fact, it was all a bunch of photographs of an Asian woman engaging in sex with a black man… but, nothing to indicate that it was the size of his genitals that inspired her feelings of lust. Frankly, it could have been his sense of humor or his drive to succeed that lured her into his boudoir. Informatively, the site was severely lacking in both exposition and elucidation.
It suddenly dawned on me that the site was a pay-site and required a credit card number to see how the sex ended… which means they were just after my MONEY!!! How cold-blooded is that? Here I TRUSTED them to explain and even prove what they had posted in their ad and it just turned out that their ad was just for pornography. But, then I pondered a little more: Maybe they do things like this because it is a lucrative business luring people to their site on the pretense of having a cross-cultural phenomena explained.
So, I created my own site and I’m starting to buy ad space for it. It reads:
SWEDISH GIRLS ENJOY A GOOD BOWL OF OATMEAL AND RAISINS
Do they? Who CARES? The internet isn’t about getting what you want. It’s all about getting what you never asked for…