Guaranteed Effective Sanctions Against North Korea

  1. They will be forced to keep Dennis Rodman
  2. North Korea will be limited to arresting and torturing no more than six westerners a year.
  3. North Korean Ambassador can only address UN while not wearing pants.
  4. Any world power caught dealing financially with North Korea will be condemned in a private ceremony held in an undisclosed location.
  5. Any cultural exports by North Korea must be balanced by their importation of DVDs of The Beverly Hillbillies television series.
  6. Any footage of North Korean military parades shown in the west must be accompanied by Afroman’s Because I Got High as a soundtrack.
  7. North Korea’s official name will be changed from “Democratic People’s Republic of Korea” to “Stumpy and Friends”.
  8. Construction will begin in the DMZ on affordable housing for Sri Lankans…
  9. Any act of a nuclear power dealing nuclear technology to North Korea will still be cheerfully ignored.
  10. Any North Koreans who manage to escape that country will be given a hundred thousand dollars, a commemorative t-shirt and a lifetime supply of Hormel products…

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