Ask a Super-intelligent Bio-engineered Dog

[After seeing the popularity of Dear Prudence, Dear Abby, Dear Meg and Ask Amy, I had to ask myself, “Is writing a fake advice column for me?”. Not having anything else written for today, the answer came back, “Yeah, why not?”] Dear Super-intelligent Bio-engineered Dog, I’m currently in a long-distance relationship and I’m worried that […]

Fun Facts!

REM’s pop song Shiny Happy People was written by Michael Stipe after his high phosphorous diet caused him to glow in the dark. Did you know that rattlesnakes and Swedes do NOT get along well? When reading a name in Russian literature, most English-speakers do NOT pronounce the names in their heads. They just replace […]

You Worm, We Worm, Eyeworm

According to the Journal of the American Society of Tropical Medicine and Hygiene (a splinter group of the PLO), an Oregon woman had fourteen worms removed from her eye. I don’t know if that is any kind of a world record, but it definitely beats my highest number, which I HOPE TO GOD is zero. […]

Valentines Advice (Part Two): For Women

[I offer a glimpse into the minds of men concerning Valentines Day. Who are you to say, “No”?] Sex: By that I mean sex, sex, sex, sex, sex! If you don’t feel like having sex, may I refer to the first item? The only men who really get into Valentines Day are 80’s movie serial […]

I Was a Bitcoin for the FBI!

When I first heard about Bitcoin, I had to laugh… then, I had to stop because I was bothering the other parishioners; to be fair, decentralized crypto-currencies always make me laugh. I remember when I heard about Zcash, I laughed so hard, I broke a blood vessel in my inner ear. It was worth it, […]