Never Say Never

Never take a knife to a gunfight… unless that knife brought its own gun. ● Never fall in love with a woman who keeps photographs of her old lovers; and, in each photograph, they have chalk outlines drawn around them… ● Never bite off more than you can chew. Never chew more than can fit […]

More and More Medical Advice from a Terse Llama

Dear Terse Llama, The lump on my chest is getting larger while the lump on my back is getting smaller. What is happening to my body? Terrified in Tehran Dear Tehran, You are sleeping on a broomstick. ♦ Dear Terse Llama, My arthritis is in full force. I’ve tried every possible cure: Fish oil, flax […]

Facts about Rice

In India, the first solid food given to children is often rice; whereas, the last solid food given to someone is often poison. Two makes of car, Honda and Toyota, are named after rice. Kind of stupid, I know, but not as dumb as naming a car after a Papal decree, as in “Fiat”; or, […]

Some Cruel Truths about Sadism

A sadist is simply someone who gets sexually excited over the same thoughts that most of us have. Sociologist have determined that, if you don’t meet four people you’d like to torture BEFORE you even get to work in the morning, you probably work from home. Sadists are important in the scheme of things: […]

Things that are Okay to Bury

Beatrix Kiddo. Something previously dead but now shambling about with a strange sense of purpose. A time capsule. For those who don’t know what that is, a time capsule is essentially a garbage can that doesn’t get emptied for a hundred years. It’s okay to bury your resentment generated by your family and friends just […]