Things You Should Give Up if You Want to be Successful

  1. Failure
  2. Discontinue getting financial advice from people who run out the back when the doorbell rings.
  3. Anything that doesn’t help you towards your goal should be stopped. This includes being nice to others and shooting heroin… unless your goal is to be an amiable opiate-addict…
  4. Give up breakfast. They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Problem with that is, inevitably, it will think it is more important than you. One day, you’ll come home and find breakfast in bed with your wife. Don’t say you weren’t warned…
  5. Get rid of any pets you cannot exploit or eat. If you can exploit your pet, get on it. That dog of yours isn’t going to jump on that unicycle by itself, you know.
  6. Cut off ties with any friends who are losers. How can you tell if they are losers? Do they remind you of you? Then, they are history.
  7. Give up the practice of saying stuff. Every time you convey a fact to anyone, you are helping out the potential competition. Your sentences should have zero content. If you need to study this out, I suggest you watch an incumbent congressman during a debate.
  8. Jettison your ethics. No one ever got successful doing the right thing. Ethics were invented by the wealthy to allow them to keep their wealth. If you need role models for amorality, any religious figure with a following of more than fifty people should suffice.
  9. Get rid of your defeatist attitude. Reality says that there’s a wall between you and the room you want to enter; but, your winner-brain says that is a lie. Walk through that wall. If you try and try but cannot, take solace in the fact that you are the only one on your block who has a dog that rides a unicycle.
  10. Give up poverty. If you don’t have money, borrow… at any rate… at any cost. And, when you’ve borrowed your limit, leverage that debt into a gigantic low-interest loan which you can use as collateral to pay off all of your debts. It’s all in my book, Tell Them What They Want to Hear: Writing Self-Help Books

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