Why do I Care What a Cow Herd?

Baby Dolls That Will Give You The Frights — OK Whatever

I hear that a horrible monster stalks city streets in Wisconsin to kill any interesting people it might find. So far, no one has been killed which has hurt a lot of feelings.

I hear that doll’s eyes each contain a tiny piece of gold foil; so, if you gouge the eyes out of all of your sister’s dolls, you’ll probably acquire enough gold to pay for the psychiatrist they’ll be sending you to…

I hear that the covid vaccine can turn you into a magnet; so, if you wake up every morning facing north, that’s probably why.

I hear if you scrape the brown off of a penny, underneath you’ll find a dime. If you dissolve that dime in a glass of vinegar, it makes an effective contraceptive.

I hear that Scottish and Jamaican English are the same dialect; it just sounds different because Jamaican’s are usually angrier when they speak it.

I hear you can de-emphasize your freckles by painting them with whiteout, and then tanning the rest of you.

I hear that every dog has his day; so, if you know a dog, friend him on Facebook, and you’ll get an email when that day comes up.

I hear that you can tell if a person has low self-esteem by the way they play Solitaire. “I need a red seven… but I don’t DESERVE a red seven”…

I hear that, if you rub two balloons together and touch one to your head, you can get pregnant with a “balloon baby”. A balloon baby is like a regular baby except, when the doctor slaps it, it pops.

I hear that, for every shot of hard liquor you take, you lose an hour of your life… sometimes, you lose the entire weekend.

19 thoughts on “Why do I Care What a Cow Herd?

      1. It’s when you eat like a pig and your belly sticks WAY out because of your pigginess. It brings real shame because it was so obvious you “didn’t know when to say when.”

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I wish I had freckles so I could de-emphasize them with whiteout. Maybe I could paint some on with brown ink first. This would be a good use for all that whiteout sitting in the office closet.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. If you’re trying to badger the good people of Wisconsin, you’re too late. That “horrible monster” is their Republican senator, Ron Johnson, and the interesting people (Democrats and some independents) already know him all too well to fall into his clutches.

    Liked by 1 person

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