I hear that a horrible monster stalks city streets in Wisconsin to kill any interesting people it might find. So far, no one has been killed which has hurt a lot of feelings.
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I hear that doll’s eyes each contain a tiny piece of gold foil; so, if you gouge the eyes out of all of your sister’s dolls, you’ll probably acquire enough gold to pay for the psychiatrist they’ll be sending you to…
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I hear that the covid vaccine can turn you into a magnet; so, if you wake up every morning facing north, that’s probably why.
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I hear if you scrape the brown off of a penny, underneath you’ll find a dime. If you dissolve that dime in a glass of vinegar, it makes an effective contraceptive.
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I hear that Scottish and Jamaican English are the same dialect; it just sounds different because Jamaican’s are usually angrier when they speak it.
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I hear you can de-emphasize your freckles by painting them with whiteout, and then tanning the rest of you.
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I hear that every dog has his day; so, if you know a dog, friend him on Facebook, and you’ll get an email when that day comes up.
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I hear that you can tell if a person has low self-esteem by the way they play Solitaire. “I need a red seven… but I don’t DESERVE a red seven”…
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I hear that, if you rub two balloons together and touch one to your head, you can get pregnant with a “balloon baby”. A balloon baby is like a regular baby except, when the doctor slaps it, it pops.
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I hear that, for every shot of hard liquor you take, you lose an hour of your life… sometimes, you lose the entire weekend.
Potatoes and the Promise of More Potatoes 
And sometimes you might even regret losing that weekend … perhaps 😃
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From my experience, a weekend not remembered is better left not remembered.
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😄
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Parts of my husband wake up every morning facing north, but that probably has nothing to do with the vaccine….
😈
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Braggart!
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I wish a doctor could slap a food baby and make it pop. I make a lot of food babies!
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Aren’t “food babies” just crumbs?
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It’s when you eat like a pig and your belly sticks WAY out because of your pigginess. It brings real shame because it was so obvious you “didn’t know when to say when.”
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Ah… so what I do with lasagna…
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I used spot remover on my dog and now I can’t find him!
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You aren’t allowed to tell “dad jokes”… Sorry, but it’s the law, Joanne…
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I got that joke from My Little Pony.
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Sexiest cartoon EVER… I’m ashamed to say…
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…and believe me, you’ll never get that weekend back.
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Not that you’d want it back… it probably has vomited all over it…
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I wish I had freckles so I could de-emphasize them with whiteout. Maybe I could paint some on with brown ink first. This would be a good use for all that whiteout sitting in the office closet.
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I’m surprised they still sell it…
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If you’re trying to badger the good people of Wisconsin, you’re too late. That “horrible monster” is their Republican senator, Ron Johnson, and the interesting people (Democrats and some independents) already know him all too well to fall into his clutches.
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I remember his hilarious prank call where many people learn the true meaning of the word, “Obsequious”…
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