Thoughts on Hope

Legend has it that a Titan named Pandora was given a box and told not to open it. It begs the question of “why didn’t whoever gave her the box just keep it”, if all they were going to do with it was to not open it. Pandora did the only logical thing and lifted the box-lid, letting all the evils of the world out. But, still in the box, a small voice cried out… it was the voice of Hope. But, Hope was the only witness to the INCREDIBLY stupid thing Pandora had done so Pandora dumped Hope out onto the sidewalk and stepped on its throat. She used the box to store her old DVDs…

The word “hope” literally means, “optimism about the future”. It is indistinguishable from insanity. No one who knows anything about the future is optimistic. This is why fortune tellers never smile… well, that and morbid obesity. Any scientist worth his salt has already withdrawn all of his money and taken up residence in the nearest forest. The only intelligent people who have hope are those with access to a bomb shelter.

The opposite of “hope” is “despair”. It is indistinguishable from common sense. Despair keeps us from wasting energy by hoping or striving or getting out of bed in the first place. The motto of those in despair is sic ego dixi vobis which is Latin for “I told you so”.

But, hope is necessary. Without it, people would run screaming in all directions, bringing property values down for those of us with bomb shelters. Hope is the sand upon which our entire society is built. There is no vaccine against hope; but, a single divorce will provide sufficient immunity from hope if it is even a little contentious…