How will Authorities Tell us a Large Asteroid is Coming

[This was the title to an article I read last week.]

While they are packing for Mars…

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“Good news! Climate Change isn’t our biggest problem anymore”

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They’ll blame gays and transsexuals.

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“Any country not about to be destroyed by an asteroid strike, step forward. Not so fast, Finland!”

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“The good news is the world is about to get all the coal, iron, copper and rare Earth metals it will ever need. The bad news is, it will be in the form of a deadly cloud that will enshroud the Earth”

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Explain to the public that the Earth will soon be sixteen inches closer to the Sun, making it that much more convenient…

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Start with a joke: Waiter: “How did you find your Turkey?”; Diner: “I just moved that massive meteor into Armenia and there it was”

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“Remember when many of you wanted a meteor to strike the Earth with the force of a billion hydrogen bombs? You didn’t? Oh, I must’ve misheard”

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“Good news for those of you who want to be disintegrated or vaporized”

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Remind the public that, if all life on Earth is extinguished because of an asteroid strike, then it is bound to kill someone they don’t like.