I Felt Sorry for Myself… (an Exercise)

Posted on by masercot

I felt sorry for myself because I had no feet; then, I met a man with no eyelids and I suddenly realized why he looked so surprised when we met.

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I felt sorry for myself because I had no money; then, I met a wealthy man who, despite all of his riches, would never be able to buy what he really wanted: The pelt of Bugs Bunny.

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I felt sorry for myself because I couldn’t maintain a train of thought; then, I met a… someone… for some reason.

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I felt sorry for myself because I’d accept any weak excuse people would give me; then, I met a woman who said I probably did it because I was conflict averse so I shrugged and said, “Sure… why not?”

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I felt sorry for myself because I had no empathy; then, I met a woman whose empathy for others almost destroyed her health. Not that I cared…

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I felt sorry for myself because of all the pain I’d experienced in my life; then, I met a man who paid a woman to come to his house twice a week and hurt him with a riding crop. I realized that the man, myself, everyone has pain. But, at least I’m getting MY pain for free…

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I felt sorry for myself because I had no enthusiasm; then, I blah blah blah… whatever!

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I felt sorry for myself because I’d had a severe personality schism; then, I met a man who murdered female travelers while wearing his grandmother’s clothes. He turned out to be me as well…

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I felt sorry for myself because I couldn’t anticipate what others would do; then, I met a psychologist who explained that few people could anticipate what others would do. Oddly enough, I knew she’d say that.

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I felt sorry for myself because I had no tongue; then, I met a man with no nose. I tried to commiserate but, without a tongue, I couldn’t be easily understood. Then, the man with no nose sneezed and his head exploded…

17 thoughts on “I Felt Sorry for Myself… (an Exercise)”

  2. OMG! I recently posted an innocent question on REDDIT which was “At what age did you feel like an “adult?” (Notice I put the word “Adult” in parenthesis.) Anyway, to my shock I received 1500+++ responses…most of which were SOB stories. Pathetic SOB stories about death, disease, cancer (yea yea that’s a disease) getting kicked out of the house, having babies, abusive relationships…bla bla bla. ( I never felt like an adult until…–name your pathetic sob story and fill in the blank.) I was sorry I asked! Has this world turned into a pathetic sympathy contest? Man up! Or tits up! Or pick a gender an UP! Cheesus!

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    1. It does seem as if everyone thinks their own problems are worse than anyone else’s. I’m currently unemployed and I haven’t been reduced to self-pity as of yet. But, when I get to the point when I can’t afford that caviar I like, I will wail in anguish!

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      1. Being the smartest guy in the room, I still wince, hurt and experience the humiliation of being laid off, fired, or somehow or another unemployed. I still don’t want to admit it or talk about it. But what I can tell you is, depending upon your monthly nut, RETAIL is ALWAYS hiring! And, they will hire ANYBODY! That’s a good and bad thing…’cause if you find yourself in that environment, you’ll be shaking your head daily, muttering…”My God, they’ll hire anybody in this place…”

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Published by masercot