What’s Been Happening at the Olympics so Far

The Olympic Committee publicly apologized to all the high dive competitors and gave assurances that there would be water in the pool next time.

An equestrian from the United Kingdom was disqualified when it was discovered that her horse had been injected with steroids and was also Vin Diesel.

The Committee also merged the high jump and the long jump so competitors could wait until the very last second to decide which one they were going to do.

Synchronized swimming has been discontinued to make room for something more exciting like Forestry or Competitive Still-Life.

The javelin throw and the hammer throw will now be held at the same time on opposite corners of the same field and medals will be given to the survivors…

The fly-weight judo competition was canceled due to high winds.

Beach volley-ballers Kelly Cheng and Sara Hughes showed the world women are more than just objects when they stripped down to their underwear and beat the Czech team…

Attendees are stunned when, during the kayak competition, they learned that there was a kayak competition.

They merged the Math Olympics competition with the regular Olympics. It isn’t any more exciting but the accuracy of their financial records should improve.

Beyonce released a video of herself singing and dancing with cuts of Olympic athletes singing and dancing and, when I first saw it, I thought, this is so much like my life that it’s scary!